Donald R. McClarey

Bigotry

I hate organized religion. I hate that people use it to justify their crappy, bigoted beliefs. Hannah Harrington     News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   MENLO PARK, CA—In a move to better filter out unapproved

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Donald R. McClarey

PopeWatch: Kanye

From the only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber:   Kanye West met with Pope Francis on Tuesday, after he was spotted arriving at the Vatican, just days after the rapper was first seen

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Donald R. McClarey

Well, That Makes Sense

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: WORLD—Scholars all over the world now believe that King Saul actually threw a spear at David after the young musician insisted on playing Christmas music well before Thanksgiving. It was early

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Donald R. McClarey

Democrat Mind Tricks

            News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: WASHINGTON, D.C.—At the impeachment hearings, Rep. Adam Schiff was asked why the Intelligence Committee wasn’t looking into corruption on the part of the Bidens, but

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Donald R. McClarey

Bad Joe! Bad!

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: DETROIT, MI—Presidential candidate Joe Biden’s aides were once again forced to use the spray bottle at a recent campaign event. As the former vice president wandered the crowd, aides were poised

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Donald R. McClarey

PopeWatch: Antichist?

News that PopeWatch missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: VATICAN CITY—In a private moment of reflection after watching one of his cardinals state that the head of the Roman Catholic Church was too busy speaking about the environment, addressing migrant

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Donald R. McClarey

Practicing Murder Without a License

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: HANFORD, CA—Authorities are looking for a woman who gave birth to a stillborn baby with toxic levels of methamphetamine in his system. “This is a complete horror,” said Hanford Mayor Carl

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Donald R. McClarey

Good Pregnant Gal With a Gun and CNN

  News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: ATLANTA, GA—After a woman in Florida defended her home from intruders with an AR-15, CNN quickly criticized her for murdering a “poor, defenseless refugee who was probably just applying for

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Donald R. McClarey

Year Zero, Again

Progress, far from consisting in change, depends on retentiveness. When change is absolute there remains no being to improve and no direction is set for possible improvement: and when experience is not retained, as among savages, infancy is perpetual. Those

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Donald R. McClarey

Suicide? Sure.

  News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   PHILADELPHIA, PA—Speaking to a packed 30-seat arena, Bill Clinton remarked on Jeffrey Epstein’s recent passing, saying that Epstein’s cause of death “really depends on what your definition of ‘suicide’

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Donald R. McClarey

About Time

      News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   U.S.—Everyone agrees it is a bleak and hopeless post-apocalyptic hellscape we are living in nowadays. Not from the Trump administration or anything, but because of all these Terminator sequels. 

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Donald R. McClarey

Can’t Get Simpler Than This!

I play very complicated strategic level games to relax.  They often have manuals running  hundreds of pages.  Simplicity however has its place.

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Donald R. McClarey

Relieved Constitution

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   WASHINGTON, D.C.—Reports from the National Archives in Washington, D.C. indicate that the U.S. Constitution was breathing a sigh of relief this evening as Beto O’Rourke announced he was leaving the

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Donald R. McClarey

PopeWatch: Alexander VI

From Purgatory Pope Alexander VI called a press conference: I would like to thank so many members of the media for coming.  I realize many of you are quite familiar with the Infernal Regions, but the trip to Purgatory is

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Donald R. McClarey

Why Settle for the Lesser Evil?

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   IN THE LAND OF MORDOR WHERE THE SHADOWS LIE—The Dark Lord Sauron stepped up his campaign for reelection this week, unveiling the details of his ambitious Deathcare for All proposal.

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Donald R. McClarey

Bye Beto

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: U.S.—Presidential candidate Robert Francis “Beto” O’Rourke has announced he is dropping out of the presidential race so that he can spend more time taking guns away from his family. “I’ve been

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Donald R. McClarey

Marie Kondo Bible

  News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: COUNTRY HOMES, WA—After binge-watching hit Netflix series Tidying Up with Marie Kondo, local Christian woman Grace Milliken applied the innovative cleaning and organizing method to her Bible study time, prompting her

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Donald R. McClarey

Heroes

    News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: WASHINGTON, D.C.—Trump has awarded galactic hero Chewbacca his long-awaited Medal of Bravery for his performance in the Battle of Yavin. The Wookiee had been snubbed by other presidents, who

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Donald R. McClarey

Bee Helps the Media

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee.  The Bee, always eager to help the dullards of the Fourth Estate, has published the above style guide.  Go here to read about it.

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Donald R. McClarey

And People Don’t Poop on the Streets

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   U.S.—New billboards have been popping up in California with the slogan “Move to Texas: We have electricity!” Many see this as a play to lure jobs away from California, as

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Donald R. McClarey

Culturally Sensitive

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: WASHINGTON, D.C.—In order to ensure all headlines about Islamic terrorism are culturally sensitive and do not offend any brave freedom fighters in the Middle East, The Washington Post has retained an ISIS marketing

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Donald R. McClarey

Duck Too?

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   HOLLYWOOD, CA—Times have changed in Hollywood since the early days, and no one is learning that lesson harder than industry veteran Donald Duck. Multiple sources have accused him of walking

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Donald R. McClarey

California Quiz

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: SACRAMENTO, CA—California is being heralded as a progressive utopia after eliminating electricity entirely. Working by candelight at his desk, Governor Gavin Newsom signed a new law that bans electricity, propelling the

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Donald R. McClarey

Moloch

  News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: WASHINGTON, D.C.—The ancient god Moloch has announced that in lieu of the actual blood sacrifice of your children, you can now simply force your kids to become transgender as an

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Donald R. McClarey

President Hillary Clinton

  News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: WASHINGTON, D.C.—According to sources close to Hillary Clinton, the failed presidential candidate was gently returned to her padded cell disguised as the Oval Office over the weekend. After the failed

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Donald R. McClarey

The Rooskies Are Coming! The Rooskies Are Coming!

  News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   WASHINGTON, D.C.—According to sources at a DC-area Costco, failed presidential candidate Hillary Clinton was asked to leave Costco again after repeatedly accusing a lady handing out food samples of

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