Donald R. McClarey

Bat Capitalist

    News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   GOTHAM CITY—Billionaire Bruce Wayne has come under fire for the way he dresses up as a bat and beats up alleged criminals. Many refer to his activity as

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Donald R. McClarey

Comrades Under the Black Uniforms

    News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:     ARLINGTON, VA—Last night, members of the militant anti-fascist group Antifa raided the headquarters of the American Nazi Party and stole numerous books, pamphlets, brochures, and other propaganda

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Donald R. McClarey

Bearded Spock Universe LarryBoy

  News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   BURBANK, CA—DC Films has offered the first look at its dark new take on a beloved hero: LarryBoy: Dawn of Produce. At a special closed-door press conference on the Warner

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Donald R. McClarey

A Modest Proposal

  News that I missed courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   NEW YORK, NY—Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez recently held a town hall where a party of orcs stole the show. As Ocasio-Cortez was driving home a point about saving the planet

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Donald R. McClarey

To Forgive is Racist!

  News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   U.S.—Forgiveness and hugs are among the 36 new entries recently added to a database of hateful gestures used by white supremacists and other far-right extremists. According to the Anti-Defamation

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Donald R. McClarey

Down With Christian Forgiveness

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: ISRAEL—There was a certain man who had two sons, and the younger son demanded his inheritance and then wasted it all in a distant country. When the son came crawling back,

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Donald R. McClarey

News to Her

    News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: WASHINGTON, D.C.—After Hillary Clinton once again suggested that Donald Trump was an illegitimate president, one unfortunate staffer was forced to be the one to gently inform her that she

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Donald R. McClarey

Father of Mostly True Lies

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: U.S.—As the only unbiased arbiter of truth in a world of fake news, Snopes continues to expand its selfless mission to fact-check all the things everywhere. Whether they’re calling out a

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Donald R. McClarey

Well, That Explains It

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: WASHINGTON, D.C.—After Representative Adam Schiff came under scrutiny for reading a fake version of the phone call between President Donald Trump and the president of Ukraine, Schiff was forced to admit

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Donald R. McClarey

Trust the Government

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: KENT, OH—While speaking at Kent State University, Beto O’Rourke—who is allegedly running for president—cited Nazi firing squads as grounds for taking guns away from private citizens. “These Nazis used guns to shoot their

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Donald R. McClarey

Hang Ups

  News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: WASHINGTON, D.C.—The recently released transcript of Trump and the Ukrainian president contained many juicy tidbits for pundits to argue over. But perhaps the most interesting part was the conclusion of

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Donald R. McClarey

Of Fanatics and Bees

Fanatic,n.One who overestimates the importance of convictions and undervalues the comfort of an existence free from the impact of addled eggs and deadcats upon the human periphery. Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary     Fanatics rarely appreciate humor, and most

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Donald R. McClarey

Poor Puppet

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: NEW YORK, NY—Climate activist and adolescent Greta Thunberg gave a passionate speech at the UN Climate Action Summit in New York, declaring, “How dare you? You have stolen my dreams and

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Donald R. McClarey

Hypocrisy

    “All the Fake News That’s Fit to Print.“ Slogan of The New York Times     News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   U.S.—Many on the right have reacted with outrage to The New York

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Donald R. McClarey

The New York Times Has the Goods on Kavanaugh Now!

  News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: NEW YORK, NY—Many people criticized the New York Times’ recent piece bringing to light new and recycled Brett Kavanaugh allegations, especially after the website issued a disclaimer admitting basically nobody

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Donald R. McClarey

PopeWatch: Coincidence

News that PopeWatch missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: PARIS—Well, seems there was a bit of bad luck in the Notre Dame fire last week. While most of the relics and artwork were saved, one thing didn’t survive: all the

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Donald R. McClarey

Yeah, But When Is Bill Going to Recreate the Juanita Broaddrick Rape?

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   VENICE—A thought-provoking new art exhibit in Venice, Italy yesterday showed Elizabeth Warren sitting at a desk reading her DNA test results for over an hour. Warren sat at the desk

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Donald R. McClarey

Toxic Masculinity

To be a normal woman you need normal men around you. Livia, I, Claudius   News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   U.S.—As society becomes increasingly dominated by nerds, hipsters, and computer programmers, people have fixated on

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Donald R. McClarey

“Saint” Pete Explains It All

  News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   U.S.—Mayor Pete Buttigieg has come under fire after claiming that life only begins when you register as a Democrat. “Many conservative ‘Christians’ have bought into this lie that life

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Donald R. McClarey

Lebensunwertes Leben

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   BERLIN—In the basement of an old building near Berlin, Holocaust researchers discovered something incredible: a perfectly preserved Nazi propaganda video. In the historical footage, dated to around 1942, a female Nazi

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Donald R. McClarey

At Least It Would Be An Improvement

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: U.S.—Well, this is embarrassing. As Joe Biden was answering a question during CNN’s 742-hour town hall on climate change last night, his head fell off, casting doubt on his ability to

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Donald R. McClarey

Weathervanes

Will, I’d trust you with my life. But not your principles. You see, we speak of being anchored to our principles. But if the weather turns nasty you up with an anchor and let it down where there’s less wind,

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Donald R. McClarey

Fair Trade

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: WASHINGTON, D.C.—During a cabinet meeting this week, President Trump proposed a bold new strategy for protecting Americans from future earthquakes: Nuke California. California has long been known for being home to

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Donald R. McClarey

Biden the Eternal Hero

    News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   HANOVER, NH—At a New Hampshire campaign stop, presidential candidate Joe Biden claimed he was at Mount Doom 3,000 years ago when Isildur decided to take the Ring instead

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Donald R. McClarey

Bumper Sticker Politics

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   SANTA CRUZ, CA—Mandatory Tolerance, LLC is a Santa Cruz-based internet company that manufacturers bumper stickers, T-shirts, and other merchandise for the left, offering their goods and services on the free market

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Donald R. McClarey

Sorry!

  News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: ATLANTA, GA—CNN has apologized to Stalin and Mao after a guest compared the brutal dictators to Donald Trump. “I am so sorry to all of Stalin and Mao’s brave supporters,”

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Donald R. McClarey

Death to Ratings

  News that I missed courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   ATLANTA, GA—CNN host Brian Stelter blamed President Trump for the network’s falling ratings Sunday, accusing the president of killing millions upon millions of people that otherwise might have tuned

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Donald R. McClarey

Doc Joe

  News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   WASHINGTON, D.C.—At a campaign rally Friday, Democratic candidate Joe Biden unveiled his bold healthcare proposal, a plan that would allow Joe Biden to personally provide healthcare for every woman

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Donald R. McClarey

Three-Fifths of a Brain

    News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   WASHINGTON, D.C.—Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez came out hard against the Electoral College, slamming the institution as a racist scam that makes white people’s votes count for “like, a lot more”

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Donald R. McClarey

Reality has been Laying Down on the Job Lately

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   WORLD—Reality has come under fire for not more clearly distinguishing itself from satire. Fact-checkers and fake news watchdogs have called on reality to label itself after real news stories insisted

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Donald R. McClarey

Nopes

  News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   U.S.—A troubling new survey released by The Babylon Bee confirmed Wednesday that too many people think Snopes is a real fact-checking website. The survey found that over 60% of people

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Donald R. McClarey

Ungrateful Anti-Communist Wretches!

  News that I missed courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   HONG KONG—As soon as Bernie Sanders heard about the democratic protesters in Hong Kong, he knew something had to be done. The U.S. senator quickly chartered a flight to

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Donald R. McClarey

Snopes Cashes In

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: U.S.—Snopes has reached a multi-million-dollar deal with Netflix to provide on-screen fact checks of all of the service’s fictional shows, movies, and comedy specials. As you sit down to enjoy content

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