Donald R. McClarey

An Appeal to Ink-Stained Heaven

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   ATLANTA, GA—Anchors at CNN headquarters have made a bold statement of unwavering faith after the Mueller Report revealed no actual evidence that Trump colluded with Russia. “We believe in collusion

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Donald R. McClarey

Get Thee Behind Me Pineapple Satan!

  Harsh language advisory as to the above video.  (It is Gordon Ramsey after all.)   The Babylon Bee tackles the big issues: In our “Pastors Weigh In” column, we ask a wide range of prominent pastors important questions regarding

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Donald R. McClarey

Statolatry

  News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   NEW YORK, NY—Local man Ricky Quintana has taken criticism for what some call his “archaic” and “outdated” beliefs. While most people have matured enough to discard silly childish ideas,

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Donald R. McClarey

From Her Lips

        News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   NABOO—Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has come under fire after giving a speech to a crowd of Gungan supporters on the planet of Naboo. Critics claim Ocasio-Cortez clearly

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Donald R. McClarey

Math is Tough

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:     WASHINGTON, D.C.—During a recent media appearance, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez came prepared to defend her Green New Deal and far-left economic policies.  She even stopped at CVS on the way and

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Donald R. McClarey

Reparations: Finally!

    News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   U.S.—A federal judge has ordered the Walt Disney Company to pay financial reparations to loyal Star Wars fans. Lawyers proved beyond a reasonable doubt that Disney acted maliciously

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Donald R. McClarey

Creepy Uncle Joe

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: NEW YORK, NY—L’Oréal USA announced in a press release Tuesday that the company is introducing “The Biden Collection” under its Garnier Fructis brand. The shampoos and conditioners are said to give

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Donald R. McClarey

Telling Truth Out of Season

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   U.S.—Over the weekend, as pro-life film Unplanned enjoyed a strong debut at the box office, Twitter employees took action against the movie’s social media account for displaying “dangerous, potentially truth-telling content.” The

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Donald R. McClarey

Jobs Americans Will Not Do

  News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   CHICAGO, IL—The NAACP has given Jussie Smollett a prestigious award for his important work creating much-needed jobs for Nigerian-American citizens. The Association created the new “Nigerian-American Job Creation” award

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Donald R. McClarey

About How I Felt During the Obama Administration

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   PORTLAND, OR—This morning, local liberal woman Meagan Porter jumped up from a terrible nightmare in which Trump was cleared of Russian collusion charges by Robert Mueller, Michael Avenatti was arrested

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Donald R. McClarey

The Green Defense

                  News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   CHICAGO, IL—All charges against Jussie Smollett for faking a hate crime against himself have been dropped after the Empire actor and

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Donald R. McClarey

Main Finding of the Mueller Investigation: Hillary was the Worst

    News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   WASHINGTON, D.C.—After a two-year-long investigation that included thousands of indictments, hundreds of search warrants, and several guilty pleas, Robert Mueller and the FBI managed to provide conclusive proof

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Donald R. McClarey

They Will Need a Wing Just For Mark Shea

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   U.S.—The nation’s psychiatric wards are preparing themselves for an influx of deranged liberals, as Robert Mueller’s official report into Russian collusion has now been filed with the attorney general. As

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Donald R. McClarey

Dear Crazy Leader

  News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a scathing Twitter thread, Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez took Fox News hosts to task for not referring to her using her proper title: “Dear Leader.” “Fox News likes to

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Donald R. McClarey

Che 2020?

  News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: SANTA CLARA, CUBA—Is Marxist revolutionary Che Guevara too moderate for a 2020 run as a Democrat? That’s the question the left is asking after Guevara was resurrected by a leftist

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Donald R. McClarey

I Was Expecting This

News that I missed courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   SILICON VALLEY, CA— Facebook on Friday issued an apology to PragerU for “mistakenly” removing Dennis Prager from his La Cañada Flintridge home late Wednesday night and torturing him in a

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Donald R. McClarey

Inevitable

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   HELL—In a statement offered to reporters during a 15-minute recess from hell, dictator and mass murderer Joseph Stalin announced he now identifies as a strong woman of color in order

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Donald R. McClarey

PopeWatch: It’s On

News that PopeWatch missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   VATICAN CITY—After centuries of theological disputes, Protestants and Catholics have agreed to resolve their differences in an exciting, non-violent way: a high-stakes Mario Kart tournament, with the winner taking all.

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Donald R. McClarey

Game of Presidents

  News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   KING’S LANDING—Entering an already crowded field of 2020 Democratic candidates, Cersei Lannister, the First of Her Name, Queen of the Andals and the First Men, Protector of the Seven

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Donald R. McClarey

Right to Kill

News that I missed courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   WASHINGTON, D.C.—Amid deliberations on the Born-Alive Abortion Survivors Protection Act, which was somehow seen as controversial, Democrat leaders reaffirmed their belief that newborn babies are precious gifts, nearly as precious as

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Donald R. McClarey

A Young Woman of No Breeding

  News that I missed courtesy of The Babylon Bee: U.S.—The nation breathed a collective sigh of relief Monday while watching footage in which Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez appeared to come out against the concept of reproducing. Stating they realized that we

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Donald R. McClarey

Hate Crime

News that I missed courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a statement to D.C. police given Tuesday, senator and presidential candidate Elizabeth Warren claimed that two men in colonial outfits accosted her on the street and assaulted her

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Donald R. McClarey

The Duke Sends His Warmest Regards to SJWs Everywhere

  News that I missed courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   HOLLYWOOD, CA—After a 1971 Playboy interview with John Wayne that was deemed offensive surfaced online, liberal activists took to the streets to boycott the actor, vowing that Wayne will

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Donald R. McClarey

Eating Their Own

  News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   WASHINGTON, D.C.—Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is busy celebrating her victory over the tyrannical Jeff Bezos and the horrible burden his company Amazon had planned to inflict on the people of

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Donald R. McClarey

Ah Romance!

  News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   CHANDLER, AZ—Marlena Bennington, girlfriend to Jace Everly for nearly three years, is absolutely swooning as Valentine’s Day approaches. “This is our third Valentine’s Day as a couple,” Bennington told

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Donald R. McClarey

English is Hard!

    News that I missed, courtesy of the The Babylon Bee:   WASHINGTON, D.C.—The controversial Green New Deal ran into trouble early on when an FAQ of the details was placed on Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s website and then pulled down

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Donald R. McClarey

You Knew This Was Coming

    News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: WASHINGTON, D.C.—Senator Elizabeth Warren is embroiled in controversy once again, this time after she admitted to wearing racially offensive “paleface” at a costume party back in her college days.

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Donald R. McClarey

Bringing a Sword

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   PHOENIX, AZ—Private Christian school Grand Canyon University has disinvited Jesus Christ from its campus in order to preserve the school’s mission of unity after uncovering controversial comments made by the

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Donald R. McClarey

Northam is Color Blind When It Comes to Infanticide

  News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   RICHMOND, VA—Embattled Virginia Governor Ralph Northam is fighting calls for his resignation over his past wearing of blackface. He assures the public that he is not a racist and

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Donald R. McClarey

Transcriminal

News that I missed courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   NEW YORK—According to a new report, unborn babies in New York have adopted a new strategy to help them stay alive under the state’s barbaric new abortion laws: identifying as

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Donald R. McClarey

The Babylon Bee Explains It All

Comedy too can sometimes discern what is right. I shall not please, but I shall say what is true. Aristophanes     Go here to read the rest.

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Donald R. McClarey

PopeWatch: Double Header

News that PopeWatch missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   ALBANY, NY—As the New York State Senate voted to legalize abortion until the moment of birth, remove legal protections for late-term unborn babies, and allow anyone with a pulse to

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