Donald R. McClarey

PopeWatch: Not Surprised

News that PopeWatch missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: VATICAN CITY—Pope Francis again eluded his security detail Monday, this time quickly releasing statements which seem to cast doubt on the Catholic Church’s longstanding positions on polygamy and Unitarianism before he

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Donald R. McClarey

Catholic When Convenient

  News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   WASHINGTON, D.C.—Pelosi lashed out at a reporter who asked her if she hated President Trump today, invoking her Catholic religion as a basis for her obvious total lack of

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Donald R. McClarey

Not Funny Professor

Melania is among the most opaque figures in our public life. One thing I’d bet the farm on, though, is that she’s a tigress for Barron. Prof. Karlan better give the First Lady (and her fingernails) a wide berth. Art

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Donald R. McClarey

The Cat’s Meow

  News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: U.S.—Many have criticized Joe Biden’s new campaign slogan, “No Malarkey,” for being out of touch and old-fashioned. But new polls show that the slogan is actually a huge hit among

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Donald R. McClarey

Arkancide Most Fowl

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   WASHINGTON, D.C.—A turkey recently pardoned by President Trump was found dead after claiming to have dirt on the Clintons, sources at the FBI confirmed today. The official cause of death

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Donald R. McClarey

Thanks for Nothing!

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: U.S.—In honor of Thanksgiving week, the nation’s progressives have begun to give thanks that they have so much to be angry and offended about this year. “Thank you, unspecified deity who

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Donald R. McClarey

Honk!

  News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: WASHINGTON, D.C.—President Trump delighted a crowd gathered on the White House lawn as he participated in a beloved annual tradition: the execution of an extremely irritating goose. The president went

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Donald R. McClarey

Are Golden Calves Tasty?

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   ATLANTA, GA—Chick-fil-A corporate headquarters announced Friday that the restaurant will be getting a new mascot in place of the traditional Chick-fil-A cow: a golden calf. Restaurant patrons will be asked

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Donald R. McClarey

Perspective

  News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   CHINA—Christians in China have joined together in lifting up their American brothers and sisters in prayer after learning Chick-fil-A has shifted around its charitable giving, possibly cutting out all

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Donald R. McClarey

Dead Politician Walking

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: LAS VEGAS, NV—Joe Biden has come under scrutiny after suggesting that Pong might be a gateway drug to more dangerous video games like Asteroids, Galaga, Temptest, and Battlezone. Biden warned that

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Donald R. McClarey

Stalin is Merely A Right-Wing Stooge!

    News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   MOSCOW—Brutal totalitarian dictator Joseph Stalin has warned Democrats that they may be going “too far left.” “The Dems are kinda scaring me with all this far-left stuff,” Stalin

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Donald R. McClarey

Chick-fil-Gay

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: U.S.—Chick-fil-A has said it will stop making donations to Christian groups that oppose the LGBTQ movement. The move is said to be a “good trade” as Chick-fil-A has sacrificed its Christian

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Donald R. McClarey

Bigotry

I hate organized religion. I hate that people use it to justify their crappy, bigoted beliefs. Hannah Harrington     News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   MENLO PARK, CA—In a move to better filter out unapproved

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Donald R. McClarey

Well, That Makes Sense

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: WORLD—Scholars all over the world now believe that King Saul actually threw a spear at David after the young musician insisted on playing Christmas music well before Thanksgiving. It was early

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Donald R. McClarey

Democrat Mind Tricks

            News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: WASHINGTON, D.C.—At the impeachment hearings, Rep. Adam Schiff was asked why the Intelligence Committee wasn’t looking into corruption on the part of the Bidens, but

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Donald R. McClarey

PopeWatch: Antichist?

News that PopeWatch missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: VATICAN CITY—In a private moment of reflection after watching one of his cardinals state that the head of the Roman Catholic Church was too busy speaking about the environment, addressing migrant

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Donald R. McClarey

Practicing Murder Without a License

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: HANFORD, CA—Authorities are looking for a woman who gave birth to a stillborn baby with toxic levels of methamphetamine in his system. “This is a complete horror,” said Hanford Mayor Carl

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Donald R. McClarey

Good Pregnant Gal With a Gun and CNN

  News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: ATLANTA, GA—After a woman in Florida defended her home from intruders with an AR-15, CNN quickly criticized her for murdering a “poor, defenseless refugee who was probably just applying for

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Donald R. McClarey

Year Zero, Again

Progress, far from consisting in change, depends on retentiveness. When change is absolute there remains no being to improve and no direction is set for possible improvement: and when experience is not retained, as among savages, infancy is perpetual. Those

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Donald R. McClarey

Suicide? Sure.

  News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   PHILADELPHIA, PA—Speaking to a packed 30-seat arena, Bill Clinton remarked on Jeffrey Epstein’s recent passing, saying that Epstein’s cause of death “really depends on what your definition of ‘suicide’

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Donald R. McClarey

About Time

      News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   U.S.—Everyone agrees it is a bleak and hopeless post-apocalyptic hellscape we are living in nowadays. Not from the Trump administration or anything, but because of all these Terminator sequels. 

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Donald R. McClarey

Relieved Constitution

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   WASHINGTON, D.C.—Reports from the National Archives in Washington, D.C. indicate that the U.S. Constitution was breathing a sigh of relief this evening as Beto O’Rourke announced he was leaving the

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Donald R. McClarey

Why Settle for the Lesser Evil?

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   IN THE LAND OF MORDOR WHERE THE SHADOWS LIE—The Dark Lord Sauron stepped up his campaign for reelection this week, unveiling the details of his ambitious Deathcare for All proposal.

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Donald R. McClarey

Bye Beto

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: U.S.—Presidential candidate Robert Francis “Beto” O’Rourke has announced he is dropping out of the presidential race so that he can spend more time taking guns away from his family. “I’ve been

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Donald R. McClarey

Marie Kondo Bible

  News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: COUNTRY HOMES, WA—After binge-watching hit Netflix series Tidying Up with Marie Kondo, local Christian woman Grace Milliken applied the innovative cleaning and organizing method to her Bible study time, prompting her

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Donald R. McClarey

Heroes

    News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: WASHINGTON, D.C.—Trump has awarded galactic hero Chewbacca his long-awaited Medal of Bravery for his performance in the Battle of Yavin. The Wookiee had been snubbed by other presidents, who

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Donald R. McClarey

Bee Helps the Media

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee.  The Bee, always eager to help the dullards of the Fourth Estate, has published the above style guide.  Go here to read about it.

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Donald R. McClarey

And People Don’t Poop on the Streets

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   U.S.—New billboards have been popping up in California with the slogan “Move to Texas: We have electricity!” Many see this as a play to lure jobs away from California, as

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Donald R. McClarey

I Agree With Don Surber

Surber explains why The Babylon Bee is the most important conservative site: On January 22, 2016, National Review published its suicidal Never Trump issue, ending 61 years as a conservative institution. It had a good run. But conservatives were left

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Donald R. McClarey

Culturally Sensitive

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: WASHINGTON, D.C.—In order to ensure all headlines about Islamic terrorism are culturally sensitive and do not offend any brave freedom fighters in the Middle East, The Washington Post has retained an ISIS marketing

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Donald R. McClarey

Duck Too?

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   HOLLYWOOD, CA—Times have changed in Hollywood since the early days, and no one is learning that lesson harder than industry veteran Donald Duck. Multiple sources have accused him of walking

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Donald R. McClarey

California Quiz

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: SACRAMENTO, CA—California is being heralded as a progressive utopia after eliminating electricity entirely. Working by candelight at his desk, Governor Gavin Newsom signed a new law that bans electricity, propelling the

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Donald R. McClarey

Beams and Motes

  Go here to read about it.

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