Donald R. McClarey

The Almighty Has His Own Purposes

  News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: WASHINGTON, D.C.—Trying to get to the bottom of how and why President Trump was elected, House Democrats issued a subpoena to the Almighty God to force Him to testify in

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Donald R. McClarey

Darth Vader for Choice

  News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   Hey, loyal subjects of the Empire. Darth Vader here, Dark Lord of the Sith and renowned pro-choice advocate. Plenty of buzz has been going around the comlinks about if

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Donald R. McClarey

Saving Lives

Whoever destroys a single life is considered by Scripture to have destroyed the whole world, and whoever saves a single life is considered by Scripture to have saved the whole world. Parma Italy, mid-13th century codex of the Mishnah  

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Donald R. McClarey

Personally Opposed

“What we want, and all we want, is to have with us the men who think slavery wrong. But those who say they hate slavery, and are opposed to it, but yet act with the Democratic party — where are

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Donald R. McClarey

Mr. Ratburn, We Hardly Knew Ye

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   ARLINGTON, VA—In a controversial new episode of educational cartoon Arthur, PBS showed the eponymous character’s teacher, Mr. Ratburn, coming out as a conservative Christian. The episode kicked off the show’s latest

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Donald R. McClarey

That’s Entertainment!

    News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   WASHINGTON, D.C.—After a long day in the office Monday, congressional representative Rashida Tlaib reportedly popped a bag of popcorn, settled back into her chair, and watched her favorite

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Donald R. McClarey

Sounds About Right

  News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   U.S.—According to a new report performed by the American Public Health Association, all six men who are sexually attracted to feminists are already suffering deeply from the ongoing sex

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Donald R. McClarey

Lysistrata Refused to Comment

News that I missed courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   HOLLYWOOD, CA—In bold move intended to powerfully virtue-signal about abortion rights, Charmed actress Alyssa Milano has called for a strike on starring in any movies or TV shows. “Our reproductive rights are

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Donald R. McClarey

Jesus Hates Diversity

News that I missed courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   PORTLAND, OR—A leading New Testament scholar working at Unified Unity Divinity School has published a paper criticizing Jesus for a lack of diversity among the apostles He chose in the

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Donald R. McClarey

Sister Mary Aquinas Would Have Beaten Him to a Pulp

  News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: HARRISBURG, PA—Pennsylvania’s favorite pro-abortion legislator, Brian Sims, wanted to show he was tough. While most guys would join a local MMA club or luchador circuit, Sims isn’t most guys. He had

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Donald R. McClarey

Get Off My Socialist Lawn!

  News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: U.S.—The Bernie Sanders campaign confirmed Monday it is trying to reach younger Americans with an aggressive telegraph campaign. Sanders announced he will personally send telegrams to young potential voters, saying “that’s

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Donald R. McClarey

Trump and Social Justice

    News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: U.S.—Democratic candidates have promised relief to Americans who are tired of working because of all the jobs that are available now. “I’m here to promise you two things: rest

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Donald R. McClarey

PC Skin Merchants

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: NEW YORK, NY—In a controversial move, Sports Illustrated has unveiled photos of its first ever Baptist swimsuit model, pictured in a floor-length denim skirt, modest collared blouse, and no makeup or jewelry whatsoever,

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Donald R. McClarey

Adolph Gave it Two Thumbs Up

    News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: NEW YORK, NY—The New York Times has issued a heartfelt apology after the international edition of the newspaper published a cartoon that offended many “Passover worshipers.” “We are so

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Donald R. McClarey

Scandals Begone!

  News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: WASHINGTON, D.C.—Speaking on The View, presidential candidate Joe Biden promised to bring the nation back to an era when the media pretended the president didn’t have any scandals. Biden pointed out that

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Donald R. McClarey

Math, Like Reality, Does Have a Well Known Conservative Bias

  News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   WASHINGTON, D.C.—Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has announced that she is leading a boycott against the popular show Sesame Street. “I was watching it the other day,” Ocasio-Cortez explained to the

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Donald R. McClarey

The C Word Redux

  News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   Some people think Hillary Clinton is robotic and hard to sympathize with, but even our hearts went out to her on this one. On a special politicians’ episode of Wheel

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Donald R. McClarey

The C Word

  News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: U.S.—In order to show respect for the victims of the horrific attacks in Sri Lanka over the weekend, several top Democrats have vowed not to mention their religion at all.

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Donald R. McClarey

An Appeal to Ink-Stained Heaven

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   ATLANTA, GA—Anchors at CNN headquarters have made a bold statement of unwavering faith after the Mueller Report revealed no actual evidence that Trump colluded with Russia. “We believe in collusion

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Donald R. McClarey

Get Thee Behind Me Pineapple Satan!

  Harsh language advisory as to the above video.  (It is Gordon Ramsey after all.)   The Babylon Bee tackles the big issues: In our “Pastors Weigh In” column, we ask a wide range of prominent pastors important questions regarding

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Donald R. McClarey

Statolatry

  News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   NEW YORK, NY—Local man Ricky Quintana has taken criticism for what some call his “archaic” and “outdated” beliefs. While most people have matured enough to discard silly childish ideas,

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Donald R. McClarey

The Left Will Defend to the Death Your Right to Agree With Them

    News that I missed courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   NEWARK, NJ—Everyone thought local man Peter O’Brien was a civil, friendly, and tolerant guy. He seemed normal. He seemed agreeable. He never disagreed with anybody or contradicted their

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Donald R. McClarey

From Her Lips

        News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   NABOO—Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has come under fire after giving a speech to a crowd of Gungan supporters on the planet of Naboo. Critics claim Ocasio-Cortez clearly

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Donald R. McClarey

Math is Tough

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:     WASHINGTON, D.C.—During a recent media appearance, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez came prepared to defend her Green New Deal and far-left economic policies.  She even stopped at CVS on the way and

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Donald R. McClarey

Reparations: Finally!

    News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   U.S.—A federal judge has ordered the Walt Disney Company to pay financial reparations to loyal Star Wars fans. Lawyers proved beyond a reasonable doubt that Disney acted maliciously

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Donald R. McClarey

Creepy Uncle Joe

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee: NEW YORK, NY—L’Oréal USA announced in a press release Tuesday that the company is introducing “The Biden Collection” under its Garnier Fructis brand. The shampoos and conditioners are said to give

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Donald R. McClarey

Telling Truth Out of Season

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   U.S.—Over the weekend, as pro-life film Unplanned enjoyed a strong debut at the box office, Twitter employees took action against the movie’s social media account for displaying “dangerous, potentially truth-telling content.” The

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Donald R. McClarey

Jobs Americans Will Not Do

  News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   CHICAGO, IL—The NAACP has given Jussie Smollett a prestigious award for his important work creating much-needed jobs for Nigerian-American citizens. The Association created the new “Nigerian-American Job Creation” award

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Donald R. McClarey

About How I Felt During the Obama Administration

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   PORTLAND, OR—This morning, local liberal woman Meagan Porter jumped up from a terrible nightmare in which Trump was cleared of Russian collusion charges by Robert Mueller, Michael Avenatti was arrested

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Donald R. McClarey

The Green Defense

                  News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   CHICAGO, IL—All charges against Jussie Smollett for faking a hate crime against himself have been dropped after the Empire actor and

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Donald R. McClarey

Main Finding of the Mueller Investigation: Hillary was the Worst

    News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   WASHINGTON, D.C.—After a two-year-long investigation that included thousands of indictments, hundreds of search warrants, and several guilty pleas, Robert Mueller and the FBI managed to provide conclusive proof

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Donald R. McClarey

They Will Need a Wing Just For Mark Shea

News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   U.S.—The nation’s psychiatric wards are preparing themselves for an influx of deranged liberals, as Robert Mueller’s official report into Russian collusion has now been filed with the attorney general. As

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Donald R. McClarey

Dear Crazy Leader

  News that I missed, courtesy of The Babylon Bee:   WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a scathing Twitter thread, Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez took Fox News hosts to task for not referring to her using her proper title: “Dear Leader.” “Fox News likes to

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